Crazy Adult Zoning Laws!

living dead

 

I just ran across this today when I was reading my WordPress Tag Surfer. (I love the tag surfer!) It seems that Murfreesboro, Tennessee has recently changed its zoning laws for “adult businesses,” i.e. adult video stores, massage parlors, strip clubs, and “rap parlors.” (I’ve never heard of them either. Apparently they were big in the 1970s.)

They have all the standard stuff: restrictions from being too close to residential areas, schools, churches, parks, and other adult businesses. You know, “to protect the kids.” But they have a couple of provisions that have me stumped.

First, they can’t be within 1,000 feet of any establishment that sells “intoxicating beverages.” I’m not sure what the rationale behind this is. Are they concerned that people might have little too much to drink and then “accidentally” partake of some adult entertainment? I guess I can see restricting alcohol sales around live entertainment venues because of concerns about sex crazed drunks abusing the entertainers—although some crazy municipalities have started allowing sales of liquor inside strip clubs. But what’s the concern with allowing alcohol sales near adult video stores?

The second provision is the one that’s really weird. No adult businesses within 1,000 feet of any “funeral home/parlor.” Huh? Are they concerned about zombies leaving the funeral home, getting all worked up by watching some adult videos, and hitting the strip clubs (or rap parlors!) for some crazy, undead debauchery? (At least they won’t be drunk.  Thank you Murfreesboro city council.)

Some of the people I’ve talked discussed this with have suggested that it’s because of a concern about “disrespect for the dead,” but that seems pretty stupid to me. Think of all the other businesses that can located near funeral homes: life insurance agents, pawn shops (to make a quick buck off grandma’s jewelry), gun stores…all of which could offend at least some of the bereaved. But really, does that ever even happen? Who is on their way to a funeral of a loved one and decides to start taking a survey of the surrounding businesses?

Way to go City of Murfreesboro! Protecting those who need no protection!